To Thine Own self be true

Do you ever wonder what is good and what is bad?. Is it a fair assumption, that anything approved by larger population is good or how about, anything that I should not be scared of doing, is good. But if fear of having to face someone's wrath or god's wrath, is what defines good and bad, then by definition good is fear and bad probably is brave. I know it doesn't sound right.
         We just assume something to be good coz' it meets the requirement and has majority approval. But i think Good and Bad are one and the same. Let me see if I can put this in simple words. Milk as it is, in its purest form is sweet and it lasts longer if you store it. But you leave it out in open, it becomes sour. The transformation, if you see, is simple yet unbelievable. One is good for you and the same milk in its latter stages, when sour, is bad for you. Now, if we talk in terms of equations (everyone has done some sort of math), milk is constant here so how can milk be good and bad. Alright, one more example. Rules and conditions are good. We learned from our parents, that following a pattern/routine is good. It will make life easier and organized. It was forcefully embedded into us so we don't waiver. But taking away free will/choice is making us mechanical. So free will is good here and Rules are bad?? Other side of the coin, free will without any direction or plan is aimless. We need some guidance and rules so we don't go overboard. So, is free will bad and rules are good now?? The person inclined with free will says its good and person with authority says rules and conditions are good.
         I think it's perspective. It's not about good and bad or god and evil. Definition of Good and Bad will change as things change. Do not compare it to something or some incident. Things that are bad at some point of time in our lives can be good at some other point of time. So in reality good can be bad and bad is not necessarily bad. It just not the right time. "to thine own self be true", It's all about intentions and if you are true to your intentions then rest is all noise. I hope i made sense in this whole thing. If not don't worry about it and sorry for making no sense. Trust me there will be a time and moment when this will make sense. Cheers to you.

Thoughts

      

  Is it possible to have too many thoughts, so much so that we miss the obvious things. Isn't it true that we wander in our thoughts relentlessly more so when we are supposedly, relaxed.
        Every day, good or bad, starts with our thoughts and ends with them. Is it possible that we cannot function without our thoughts. We start with one thought, argue about it, reason with it, hate it and transition to another. But never stop thinking. Curious that our brains are, it will linkup the thoughts that we knew had no relation with one another. We are so wound up in our thoughts that we want it to be not nonsensical for all the time and energy spent. It means, the more you are relaxed the more you are not relaxed. 

        Our mind has this imagination that is, sometimes, beyond our comprehension. I speak for myself here when i say i am more relaxed when i am immersed in my thoughts. I could never understand how anyone can just sit and watch a sunset and not think a damn thing!!! There are so many things happening at that moment, that all combined culminates to that event, agreed. But that doesn't mean everything else is blank. Maybe it is for some... We sleep and we dream. Our mind is still thinking. It is natural phenomena of our brain build to think relentlessly. Some might argue that you think too much, too many things. 

        Your thoughts are what make you, YOU. We can never act upon all and all you need is one to make that difference. Isn't that how it is suppose to be. You cannot get all and you won't get all, but that doesn't mean you wont get any at all. We find direction in our thoughts, however garbled, scattered or chaotic they are. Anyways, keep churning that brain.. 

          

Puzzle !!!!!!

Puzzled.. I always thought that's who I am, a puzzle waiting to be solved. I have been trying to solve it for sometime now. Lots of broken pieces that I accumulated over the years, at least that's what I thought, I was doing. Apparently, Its not pieces that I was picking up but, scrap. Funny thing is, the puzzle in itself is not complex, if you know how it should look, which generally we all have an idea. I have an idea just like everyone else and have a picture of it in my head but the puzzle I have is missing bigger chunks. Now puzzle just became complicated. I keep solving like this and it will always remain unsolved.
            Its funny how you lose yourself in a puzzle solving it, obsessed with it, unless someone gives that missing piece or I replace it with something else. All these years, never realized that every time I gave something, I am actually letting go a piece of the puzzle. I always thought I cannot expect anything in return. you give and that's it. I have seen people expecting something in return. I told myself, am doing it unconditionally. They are not. They have a motive behind what they do. But I understand now why. I guess its not wrong to expect things back. In a way, without knowing, people are trying to fill the missing pieces in their puzzles. They expect something in return to fill the gap that was created with the piece they gave away. So that makes them more complete, resolved and well designed. That makes me unresolved and flawed.
         If I don't understand Me, how can You understand me. I have tried to solve this with the pieces I thought would best fit but things don't work out all the time. I will keep trying to solve this Puzzle of Me. In this process, I might hurt some and If I do I want you to understand, that was never my intention and if you look closely you will see a piece of Me with you.. My intention was always to complete the puzzle, with a piece of You.

Follow your HEART

Follow your heart, says my friend. Follow it until the heart its satisfied. Until you feel you have done what you felt like. That kept me thinking and i couldn't get it out of my head. Then I said to myself maybe, I might feel grounded if I do that. See, there is an airiness in my approach to everything.
      There are very FEW people who know and understand me and I am being very generous when I say that. My friend is one of the very few. I know you don't have to know me. Anyways, my friend says follow your heart, that beats to your step. Follow it because it knows what it wants although not possible at times, it still desires, needs, craves. So you keep following your heart no matter what.
      What happens when you get what you want. Does the Heart stop?????  I never asked him that. He would kick my ass or knowing him, he would say " yeah it does. Since you got what you wanted, you get to die now, goodbye "(smiling).
   So, Will the heart ever stop wanting, needing something. I guess not. I think what he meant was Follow your heart and it will take you on the path that leads to happiness, the satisfaction, that you lived by your own rules. You probably wont have any regrets, may be a few regrets, that too because you either backed out somewhere or some point and it means you need to grow some kahuna's. Either way you made your choice. That should and will give you the satisfaction. That day you will feel grounded, that day probably will be the day I feel grounded. The day you heart stops wanting things, which it never stops, my friends that must be the day you have lived your life to the fullest,
because that day you don't want to have regrets,
because that day you don't want to have emptiness,
because that day, would probably be the last day of your life you lived.
So follow your heart and live life to the fullest.

"Its Impossible" Said EGO
"Its Risky" Said WISDOM
"Its Pointless" Said LOGIC, but
"Give it a Shot" Says the HEART.

Choice - ??????????

Back blogging again after long, long, long time, at least it feels long. Last few years have been.. well they have been there and I passed them off. Cannot find a word to describe it. Its just complicated. Everything seems just plain simple complicated. Never could understand any of it and never will. You try to build something or make something, things just don't happen the way you want. What do you do?? Start from the scratch or just rebuild on top of it. Some argue start over, some say fix it. That's where we all falter. Choice... What to do? What to do? What to do?
          There is a base for everything. There has to be a base, a template, a silos, an original or whatever you wanna call it. There has to be something that you can build on, an idea or something.  First, its where do I start? then comes how do I start? then am I doing it right? and so on.. Why do we hesitate when we know what to do? Why do we hesitate when we planned how to do it and why do we hesitate when we know we have decided to do it? Choice. I think its the Choice that makes us question everything. We know there is always a choice. A Choice, as complicated as it sounds, is the sweetest thing. It puts us in dilemma of course but gives you a picture of what its going to be to what you want it to be.
          Knowing us we don't want to make that choice. The thing that scares us most is what's behind that veil. We don't want to take that leap of faith. We go for the other thing like the phrase says "A known devil is better than an unknown angel". Think about all the role models you look up to. Do you think they would have been where they are or were, if they hadn't gone with their choice which they started with instead of going the easy and simple one. Gandhi, do you think he knew he would be idolized by many around the world. He just started something based on his faith, in his beliefs and went with it. People followed him not for anything but his beliefs. 'Coz they are just like yours and mine. We know the unknown is scary, making that choice is scary but living with that conscious that you knew what you should have done but did something else, will kill you. You live rest of your life with that thing in your head saying you should have done that. Choice as annoying as it seems to be, is the simplest thing. Some might argue am happy with the choice I made even though its not what I had in my mind. No problem. Did you make that choice because you wanted to or did you take the easy route. Don't answer me, tell yourself and just so you know I am least bothered about it, you are the one living it. If you think you made the right choice, then whatever you started with, was not really a Choice. You just went with whatever came your way and are content with it telling yourself this is the choice I made. Otherwise look back and see if the base, the idea with which you started is still the same or changed.
          I am not asking you to change your ways or make that hard choice. Choices do change at times agree, but the choice you made is not for someone else or something else. Choice should always be for yourself. As selfish as it sounds, that's the best thing to do for the sake of people who love you and of course you too. I would like to hear otherwise, as always I take any comment positively.


        

Puppets

Last week i was walking to parking lot after work and it hit me. I mean really do you ever think about it? Must be wondering what i am smoking??? I can't smoke anything with all those health assessments and blood donations going at work.. Anyways, its my brain i am talking about. That smart, stupid thing, and how it works its mysterious ways. Must think i've gone crazy when i say this but i was looking down at my feet while walking, and realized my legs were just going on their merry way.. I mean seriously how do they just go on doing their work.
      I guess i took it for granted. Its just that piece of beauty (Beauty!! Sure) in my head that pulls all the strings and i know, you all know this and what not, but look at your feet while walking. Do not think about what you are doing, just look at them and it might hit you (might not). Although you are looking at your feet so curiously, they are like, don't care and they keep walking.. Not sure why, but for a sec or few, i felt they should stop and maybe look back at me. I understand my brain must have said keep walking and i will handle this fool. But for that moment i felt like i lost control on them. Again, is that my brain saying that or me?. Am i just a puppet?. So real question is who is controlling who? I am defined by my actions period. I am just a face to something small in the head. I don't control anything but obey my orders. My body takes beating for what my brain does? Am sure you must be thinking i am looking for an excuse or something.. seriously, NO. Just a silly thought that bugged me the whole weekend. Just threw it out there..

Expectations

Expectations, as simple as that word is, has so much depth and weight to it. This one word, no matter how it comes up, adds so much weight on our shoulders that you forget everything except to lift it and not let it down. On one hand we try to live a life as simple as we can on other hand the very essence of that word makes it so complicated. How long am i suppose to live up to those expectations, how long??? Funny when you think of it, it so feels like one of those never ending Soap Opera's. It never ends... you think you did everything to end it and every time its back on your back some way or other.
         Everyone tries to get rid of it. You try to not care about it but then you care for everyone so much it becomes hard to not think about it. One thing i have noticed, everything is conditional or at least it ends up being conditional. There is a tag for everything. Everyone have these expectations from you. Sometimes you wonder how did you let it get this far.. Do i not know what's happening or am i letting it be whatever it is i guess there is no escape from that.
      At times you feel like to say let me do my thing and you do yours, I am not here to live up to your expectations and i don't want you to do either. Everyone is different and if by chance we meet, then it's well and good and If not, then let it be.

Do we make same mistake again and again?

Funny how one thing leads to another. When you put your brains to work, how much we think and how far we wander, crap of course(for me). I kept thinking how we keep doing same mistake again and again, and i was wondering, if we know we did this before and its a mistake, why do we do it again? Better, how did we manage to fall in same hole that we know for sure we closed it (figurative speech).
              Is it 'coz, we know, we can get out of it easily or may be just maybe its not a mistake at all or may be we do not want to accept its a mistake, because someone said it. If you look at it closely, each circumstance has its own reason. Wisdom, we think we did it before so we can get through it easily, Social Elements, convincing us, what we did is wrong (10 out of 9 people saying its wrong makes you doubt yourself) and finally Conscious, "i know i am right" feeling.. Things happen for a reason, is what we were told always and we always gave that excuse if anything happened, good or bad. We need that belief to go to next step. But what if we are just going in circles? There are many among us (i feel like i am one among them) who are going in circles and tripping over the same step, may be in a different way every time... but surely tripping at same step..Sometimes you feel like everything is going perfectly, is it possible that its because we are doing the same mistake, since we been this way before or we are really in right path? Should we stop for a moment and think or just keep going... like they say, take the risk :).  Now how do i distinguish between those two.. whether the way i am going is the way??? How do i avoid making same mistake again and again? Like the saying goes.. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Unfortunately, in this case, i am fooling myself.. In any case i am the one who should be ashamed off.
             At any point of time in our lives, there is always one person common for everything thats happening.....No, its not God, smarty pants.. its You ... Like it or not.. we do make mistakes again and again, whether you believe it or not, agree to it or not. We are creatures of habit and we tend to fall on the same path and follow it..May be 'coz we are comfortable that way but i guess the real question is not whether or not we make same mistakes again and again but how better were we this time around? Well with that thought my friends am going to bed..

What is it????

Hi guys... Its been long time since i put something on paper... who am i kidding, that's not me, let me correct that, since i put something in my blog. Its not like anyone cares about it anyways, i mean really does anyone care about what goes into some one's writing? do you? is it in us to see through the author's or bloggers' mind or his/hers perspective or we co-relate to something similar and get to our own conclusions?. what happens to the person who puts his thoughts, ideas, concerns or emotions into their literature(it is a bit of a stretch even for my liking but i cant say scrambling or mumblings, 'coz the moment i use these words, the intensity of my conversation here is gone for you).
           I think its in human nature, that we have to bind things together. We are in a terrible plight if we don't do that, at least that's my understanding. The moment someone starts saying something, our mind starts wandering, to see how can it relate to that, to understand it or for that matter show interest in it. Don't have to go back too far to know what i am talking about.. In college, its all Greek and Latin, for me. The poor guy(who else would that be but our professor) is rambling and screeching on top of his lungs to explain the concepts of lets say microprocessor.Well it barely got into my head(i know what you are thinking, if i still remember it how can i say barely, well my friends i had to write that exam again and again, until my final semester to get 50%, so you know now). Anyways, there is nothing that i could relate it to, everyone was nodding heads just like i am except a few, to impress i guess. But if someone is talking about how to skip that class or get attendance for that class, you bet, i would come up with hundreds of ideas. See i get that. I can understand what he or she is talking about there... i can put myself there in his/her shoes but, but , ultimately i come up with a solution which i think is right, not what he/she wants and it will work too but may not be the answer that person is looking for. At that moment i don't care what that person wants, i only give them what i want or what i would do? Some call it life experiences and some call it wisdom. If my experience will help you solve yours, then use it. right? Well you are not using his/her wisdom, you just cannot move forward otherwise, so you have to use that solution.
      Same goes with this blog too or else there would be nothing interesting in it for you to read. How many of you have started thinking about your college days and how many of you had a smile on your face, happiness , regret, sadness anything.. I bet each and everyone of you had strolled through those old days of yours(good or bad) and by end of this blog, you start wondering what exactly is he trying to say, which is right about now.... like i said we have to have a relationship with everything that we talk about and hear or else we are at standstill, we just cannot move forward. I am not complaining folks, merely stating a fact that, we are intertwined.. If you say i am wrong...then tell me honestly(no one is judging you here)..WHAT IS THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT CAME TO YOUR MIND NOW, ABOUT WHAT THIS BLOG IS??? just say it and if you can, indulge me..

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara......

How many of us do really know the meaning " Mile Sur Mera Tumhara " ? How many of us really mean it when we sing that song or say those words? Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, as captivating as it sounds, not many understand the meaning of it. Actually there are very few, in over a billion population that we have, really mean it when they say it. Yeah, you feel the intensity of it when you hum those words, but to the end we either simply forget it (the real meaning of it) or get excited for that moment and start scrutinize the video of who should be in it or who should not.
        I was watching the new version of it and my god, the comments were unbelievable. Everyone was bashing ,yelling and screaming foul. Well i see where everyone is coming from. I understand few movies stars being in it, being well established in their fields(miss worlds, miss universe). There are more prominent people missing in the video. Kalam ji, Narayan murthy(infosys), aziz premji, ratan tata, sachin, sports personalities who kept us in the league of elite and most importantly our communities and people, Bascially our concept of unity in diversity. I regret this video have seen the daylight but again why are we blaming them for this. We are to be blamed for giving them that status and making them idols. They would not have made it unless they think that its the best and they will be appreciated for it. Well again, what makes them so arrogant or stupid to think they are the only face of india and, only one thing comes to my mind. "WE"
        Recently, some Non-Profit organizations wanted Aamir Khan as their brand ambassador. He rejected them saying he cant be the ambassador for all of them. We believe that nothing can be done without their support. We are so mesmerized by the glitter world, that we cannot do anything without their name on it. Take AP for instance. Chiranjeevi and his Blood Bank. People just donate blood. All he has to do is say thank you. I bet 75% of the people who donated for chiranjeevi's blood bank might not have donated ever, not even once before, in their lives and not to anyone else after that. We want that filmi world. We are attached to it so much that we cannot live without. Salmaan Khan, under influence drove his SUV over people and was arrested in rajasthan for poaching. Never found guilty for any of those charges. He was let go. Recently some lady ran over people, drunk driving, and she is in jail and they say that she should be punished. Our law is strict, and she will get punished, atleast thats what the papers said.
        Take our politics. How many politicians do we know are from film industry? Start counting, almost everyone who retired from films, or in some controversy, has to be in politics. How do they win elections or better why would you elect a person who acted his/her entire life? Why would a political party give them a seat to contest in elections? Simple , we are stupid..ignorant.. believe everything... that they say.
        Make no mistake, i am not saying movie stars are at fault. They are common people who came from different forms of life to make a name for themselves and which they did, god bless them, with huge success. If we are arguing that where is the common man, there, he/she is in the movie star. They are fathers , mothers, sons, daugthers , uncles ,aunts and many more. Although there is nothing genuine in that video WE cant blame them, they have been acting their entire lives and its comes naturally to them. From where i see it, there are genuine.
         If i keep going like this, i can write a book on it but again who would want to read it. This aint no fantasy world and there aint no happy endings. Like someone said, when you point a finger at someone , three point back at you. Next time when you say something think, what gives them that right and do not rationalize it. If you think what i said is wrong please feel free to indulge me.

NOTE: Even the old one has film stars as many as the new version. This is another proof that how much we look up to them. People die for movie stars but not for people like Kalam ji, its sad but true.

Working With Idiots

How true is this? I know a university in Sweden did a survey on this... But what do you think??
            Me, i think its true.. I have seen and been working with few for sometime and me and my blogs are end results of working with idiots. There are times when you would want to bang your head to a wall and say ,aah.... that feels better than talking to that person...
            Some might want to look at other side of it. There is always an other side for everything, trust me. We need people like these. We look at them and say i am better than these people,  we compare ourselves. It gives us self-satisfaction and immense confidence and we need that boost or else we might feel futile at times and go into depression, if it werent for these people ( I know, it may not apply for everyone, see thats what i call confidence. You have that because YOU are looking at other side of the coin. good for you.). In other words, they make us feel better ,important and worthwhile.
  So, tell me now, are we doing good working with idiots or worsen ourselves working with idiots.????

How far would you go to keep a SECRET?

Good morning Fella's.... yeah yeah, i know it might not be morning when you read this but what to do, that’s when i started... i got up at 4 am.. very unusual of me... i am the last person to wake up at 4, i usually dont sleep till 3 am. old habits die hard you know.. anyways that’s a long story for some other time.. so i couldnt sleep, made me some tea and sat down surfing net, "The Usual"( how sad is it that life has become so mechanical), and its good exercise to put on some muscle(well I call it muscle, frnds call it weight). At that moment, i started writing this blog. It’s been a long time right and before I go any further, thank you to you all, who dare read my blog(S) and still appreciate it...
           If I can just say what’s on my mind it would be great, but we (at least I ) always hesitate to let it out. Worried what would anyone say? Is it ok if I say it? Well skepticism sometimes gets the best out of you and usually has adverse affects on you and most importantly for people around you, who care for you.
            I was watching this movie the other night "The Reader" and I insist you all watch that movie. We have a habit of keeping things to ourselves and I think it’s our ego that stops us and for some its embarrassment or fear and some like to analyze it too much. This movie unfolds, with a lady who is in her mid to late 30's and kid in his teens, having an affair for short while and they go their own ways or to be more precise disappears. After a few years, the kid comes across her and finds her in a very bizarre and messed up situation. He could have helped her but decides not to. She could have helped herself get out of that situation instead chooses not to. In both the cases, these individuals decide not to let the truth out which could have helped her get out of that situation. The truth that she hides is embarrassing for her but might sound silly to a person like me or you (truth is she can’t read or write). Don’t ask me how that would have helped her, please go watch that movie.. So tell me is it fair for anyone to go through so much pain and anguish to keep a secret?
           Everyone has had their share of secrets. Some embarrassing, some funny, some scary and some we can’t fathom how they end up as secrets in the first place. But we still keep them to ourselves. We deny that there is anything at all and live through it, at the end of the day we all know we lie to ourselves and to the people who care about us. May be that’s not the intension, maybe we like to share things and want to let it out but scared. We are scared of telling the truth. But how can we keep doing it again and again when we know it’s eating us inside out?...
             I for one, don’t know how can I jump over that hurdle and let it all out. I still ponder how I would do things differently if I had gone back. Oh yeah, there are many things I would have done differently. Maybe we learn somethings while we move forward and somethings we deserve. Does not matter what anyone says, we always hold onto things hoping things will change and everything will be fine. I know it’s not true, it’s not going to work. Fellas, from what life has taught me and what I have learned so far, here are few words of wisdom to you all. The more you keep it to yourself the distant you go from your loved ones. I am sure you all know this... maybe you’ve had your share of secrets or regrets that you would have done differently if you have a chance. But It’s too late isn’t it??? Anyways good day you guys or night .. whatever...

In search of that path of light....

Do i really blog??? am i a blogger? what am i really blogging about at this late hour.. I should be in bed sleeping and instead am watching Family guy and laughing my ass off ..oh yeah... blogging apparently at the same time.
No seriously, i dont know what to write really but i started this draft hoping i will come up with some thing interesting to share with everyone. I hope they read it....

What is the most interesting thing i did today???? nothing really. Went to work and did some work as usual... nothing i did is interesting. My life has become so mechanical that it sounds ironic when i compare myself to a machine producing a spare part in a manufactring company... doing something for a company where my contribution is minimal to nothing.. hasnt done or had any impact on anything or anybody...

Today i was having coffee with one of my nicest friends and i get this weirdest thought and i asked my friend how do you think an Albanian born, Agnese Gonxhe Bojaxhiu, came from one part of the world, left the whole family behind and settles down in india... if you are wondering who i am talking about, you have to take deep look into your history papers. she is MOTHER THERESA my friends.
Anyways, i was wondering how did she leave everything she had and dedicated her life to something .. how can any one do something like that, cut themselves out of someones life and give it to someone else for 70 yrs just like that.
So my question to everyone is how can you just shut off something that is part of your life and do something that you dont know anything about???? well that is how i feel right now but its not that easy i know.
why is that we struggle all our lives to get good education and a good job and at then end of the day still not satisfied with what we have.. we try harder to get good job and then we are not satisfied..
may be we are not suppose to do that job.. may be we are just following everyone,trying to blend into the community.. is that what we are doing exactly?? blend in?? thats it.. i dont want to blend in and again i cant revolt and say i will do what i want and how i want and still be not bothered about what i have or have not...
Some say i should take risks in life. i wonder if thats what Mother Theresa thought when she left to india, that she is taking a risk, i doubt it. may be she did. i want to do something so i can look back after some yrs and say this is exactly what i wanted to do and thats what i did. no regrets no qualms, but at the rate that i spending my life and watching those years pass by i dont think i can even look back... even if i dare look back all i see is nothing. Donot ask me what i want to do... if i tell you what i want, you will tell me what i should do to get there and if only i can answer that question without knowing the answer for my question then i wouldnt be here talking about this, would i??
So coming back to my question.... How can someone just walk away/ cutoff from something they have and do something they are not really aware of?
Mind you... i dont need a job.... i have an excellent job and oh yea i get paid handsomely..

I am trying to find that path of light, enroute to my destiny.......